Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. – Larry Lorenzoni

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. – Chili Davis

I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. – Unknown

Funny birthday quotes

Old age is always 15 years older than I am. – Bernard Baruch

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday. – Stephen Wright

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. – Robert Brault

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. – Bob Hope

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. – George Burns

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. – Pope John XXIII

Birthday Quotes Funny

Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece? – Bobby Kelton

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. – John Glenn

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. – Sam Ewing

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. – George Bernard Shaw

I’m sixty years of age. That’s 16 Celsius. – George Carlin

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. – Jennifer Yane

Just to show my dad that I think he’s number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. – Jarod Kintz

Funny Birthday Quotes for Women

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old. – Mary Schmich

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. – Lucille Ball

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – E. Joseph Cossman

You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years experience. – Unknown

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. – Charles Schulz

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician. – Unknown

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. – Robert Frost

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. – Robert Orben

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier. – Dan Bennett

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for. – Unknown

Funny Birthday Sayings

Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. – Tom Wilson

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. – Don Marquis

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. – Branch Rickey

I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it. – Unknown

On my 60th birthday my wife gave me a superb birthday present. She let me win an argument. – Unknown

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. – Unknown

For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.? – Jarod Kintz

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. – Groucho Marx