Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes and Sayings
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. – Jack Handey
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? – Anonymous
Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them. – David Brent
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – Carl Zwanzig
A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need the advice. – Bill Cosby
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female. – Desmond Morris
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. – Colin Sautar
Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! – Homer Simpson
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva. – Josh Groban
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. – Woody Allen
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