Funny Drinking Quotes

Oh alcohol, how we love thee. Drinking can be great fun and these quotes are evidence of that. Throughout time many famous personalities have enjoyed their share of alcohol, and of course they had something to say about it. People such as Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Frank Sinatra, and more have expressed their enjoyment of the occasional, or not so occasional, alcoholic beverage.

Funny Quotes about Drinking Alcohol
Below we’ve created a collection of our favorite funny drinking quotes.

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth. – George Burns

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. – Frank Sinatra

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. – George Best

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. – Henry Lawson

I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served. – George Gobel

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets. – Dudley Moore

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. – Henry Youngman

I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. – Fred Allen

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. – Stephen Wrigh

This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. – Samuel Johnson

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! – Brian O’Rourke

Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. – Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol. – N.F. Simpson

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid. – Richard Braunstein

I drink to make other people interesting. – George Jean Nathan

A drink a day keeps the shrink away. – Edward Abbey

I drink therefore I am. – W.C. Fields

We drink and we die and continue to drink. – Dennis Leary

Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine. – Karl Marx

The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking. – Terry Goodkind

I drank to drown my pain, but the damned pain learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good behavior. – Frida Kahlo

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. – Ernest Hemingway

Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working. – Harold Rudolph

An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor. – Alvan L. Barach

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – Henry Youngman

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. – W.C. Fields

They who drink beer will think beer. – Washington Irving

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony. – Robert Benchley

I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not. – Brendan Behan

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.” – Henny Youngman

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label. – Mark Twain

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. – Sir Winston Churchill

Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron. – Aaron Howard

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin

If you don’t drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, “And then I got home. – Jim Jefferies

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on. – Oscar Levant

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. – David Daye

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra

He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. – Joe E. Lewis

Funny drinking quotes and sayings are great to share with your friends and family. We’ve at the bar, around the card table, in the garage, or wherever you enjoy having a drink…or five drinks. We hope you enjoyed these funny quotes about drinking alcohol!